V Jokes


(1)
How many meat eaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they would rather stay in the dark about things.


(2)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because Colonel Sanders was chasing him.


(3)
A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other, and a zucchini up his nose.
He goes to the doctor and asks him what’s wrong.
The doctor tells him, “Well, for one thing, you’re not eating right.”


(4)
Two chums were talking at a ballgame and one offered to buy the other a hotdog.
“No thanks,” came the answer. “I’m a vegetarian. I mean, I’ll eat a little white meat, but…”
“Oh, I understand. Hey, I’m no cannibal. I mean, I’ll eat a few white people, but…”


(5)
Why do people kill animals?
Fur convenience steak.


(6)
A woman’s vegetable garden is growing like mad, but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting pretty tired of it.
So she walks over to her neighbor’s and asks, “Your tomatoes are always red, while mine are always green. How do you do it?”
Her neighbor says, “Well, this may sound absurd, but here’s what you do. After dark, go out into your garden and take off all your clothes. When the tomatoes see you they’ll get embarrassed and blush. Tomorrow they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”
Well, what the heck, she figures. So she does it.
The next day her neighbor asks her how it went.
“So-so,” she said, “The tomatoes are still green, but the cucumbers are all 4 inches longer.”


(7)
How many meat eaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they would rather stay in the dark about things.


(8)
Why did the tofu cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.

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